


Kissing you

by Erasmus_Jones



Series: The Kissing you trilogy. [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt, Kissing, Memories, emotion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 21:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erasmus_Jones/pseuds/Erasmus_Jones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written in response to this request by emilyrose223 on Tumblr.</p><p>http://emilyrose223.tumblr.com/post/46211238480/one-shot-sherlolly-prompt</p><p>A Sherlolly story based on the song Kissing you. I don't know for sure the version by Des'ree was the right one but it prompted this.</p><p>Molly retreats to the last place she and Sherlock were together to let her emotions out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kissing you

Molly stands in the darkness. Arms crossed over her chest, the wind catching at her hair. Her face is emotionless, she stares straight ahead of her but she doesn't see with her eyes. All she sees are the images in her mind. She is lost in memories of dark curls and aqua eyes.

At work Molly has to be strong and when she is alone at home she won't allow herself to to be anything else. She will stand strong and hold it together because that is what she needs to do for him. She has to wear the cheerful face everyone expects, a certain amount of grief when he fell was to be expected. To still be grieving a year later may arouse suspicion, she had to continue as though everything was normal. No one could be allowed to see that Molly struggled still, how his absence affected her. If she were under surveillance she could not give away how much love she had for the man who was supposed to be dead. She wouldn't make herself a target, she couldn't afford to be a liability. 

Now Sherlock was gone no one who cared came to see her. Sherlock had been the Sun to them all, each gravitating to him. Without his pull they had all spiralled away and her colleagues didn't know her well enough to see the signs of exhaustion. When it all started to get too much she had to escape. She couldn't speak to anyone about how she felt, she had to keep the secret and if that meant she had to suffer she would do it for him. His safety rested on them believing him dead. So this was her burden to carry, and it was a heavy one. 

So she came here to this field and these mountains and her memories. This was the last place they had spent time together before he had to leave. Mycroft had spirited them to this remote haven before Sherlock had to take the next step in his journey. While the world moved around them they had shared something beautiful. 

 

She comes back here to give herself time to regroup and remember. This was the only time she allows herself to cry again, she would let it all out here. Then she would pull the pieces back together and return to her life a little lighter for the time being.

She stands with her feet buried in the cool grass, the hulking shadows of the peaks of the Beacons rising to the night sky. The mountains hold her in their arms, offering her the privacy and silence she needs to fall. She imagines they are his arms holding her, offering her comfort in the middle of the night. Here miles from everyone and everything she could allow herself to feel once more. 

The stars burn brightly in the moonless night. She raised her face to the heavens, watching their ever constant glinting beauty. She finds it hard to believe that it is the same sky they had shared. How could it remain unchanged while everything else was so very different? Seeing those stars broke her. They were their stars, she shouldn't have to be here alone. She should be surrounded by his warmth, cradled close as she pointed out the constellations to him. She stared at them, seeing more than just their light, they showed her memories playing them against the inky backdrop of the universe. 

Memories of warm and lingering kisses in the darkness. Stolen moments before her soul was split in two. The moments too short and too few of them to keep her whole in his absence. They showed him after the fall. Even with plans they had made it could have taken him from her. She hadn’t been able to watch. She waited in the morgue numb with fear. He was prepared to die if anything went wrong and she couldn't stand to watch him die if it did. The desperate arms they held each other close in the aftermath kisses just to reassure the other that they were alive. Blood and all she had crushed him to her not wanting to let go incase he wasn't real. 

She released the breath she'd been holding and with it let her emotions rise from deep inside her. Her heart shuddered at the onslaught, she stopped fighting and let it fragment once more. The bonds that held the fragile pieces crumbled easily. Her soul screamed, the pain as real as it had been the day he was forced to walk away. 

She wraps her arms tightly around herself, certain her whole being was shattering. Her legs buckle and she crashes to her knees, not feeling the jolt as she lands. She rocks back and forth unconsciously as her walls tumble down. 

She closes her eyes and raises her face skyward. She allows herself to imagine the breeze against her face is his fingers, that its caress is his lips against hers one more time. The sweet and soft brush and the warmth of his breath mingling with hers. Tears began to catch at her eyelashes. She misses him. God, how she misses him. 

He's been gone for a year, a year she she has spent worried and broken. A year of not knowing if he was safe, if he'd ever come home. She has searched for him in every crowd, her heart lurching each time the phone rang. Each time she blinks she see his eyes, her dreams are of his arms and reverent kisses. 

She clings to the last images she has of them together. The two of them here in this valley, before he was spirited away to destinations unknown. They lay curled in to each other on the ground staring at the skies. Sharing gentle touches as they tried to memorise each other, trying to gather enough images and caresses to last through their separation. 

"Wherever I go Molly, know that we share the same sky and when I look at it I'll be thinking of you." 

She can hear his voice in her head, as though he spoke in her ear as if he curled around her from behind. She whispers in to the darkness, the words spilling out over and over 

"I love you, I love you."

She curls further over, her chest pressing to her knees. The tears fall unhindered down her cheeks. Slumping sideways she lies with her cheek buried in the grass, arms still hugging herself tightly. Sobs break from her chest, agonised sounds wrenching from deep within her. She is lost to the pain, retreating from reality. 

She holds his memory close to her and kisses him each night as she drifts to fitful sleep. The torment returns each morning when she wakes and realises it was only in her dream that he claimed her lips and held her tightly in his arms. 

She imagined him lying here with her in the grass, pretended that when she opened her eyes she would see him there once more. Face to face, hands pressed together fingers entwined. That she could bring a hand to his face and move closer to rest her head against his. That she could gently touch her lips to his, tasting him once again. In her mind they share the kisses that were stolen from them. She presses her palms to her face, her cries stuttering and ragged. Remembering his last words to her as he cupped her face in his hands, his eyes searching hers.

"I wish it was in my power to promise you forever, but I cannot. I can promise you even if I am not with you, you will always have this heart. It belongs to you and I leave it with you to keep it safe."

"You are my forever, I'll keep your heart with mine, they are a pair and will never be separated. You will come back to me Sherlock, you will always come back to me."

She had meant every word she had said that night. Their hearts were linked, she had loved him for a long time and that wouldn't stop. So she waited for him to come home, she had to believe that he would. she could entertain no other option. Molly lay in the grass shivering through the night. Reliving each precious moment in full. As the daylight started to creep over the mountains Molly pulled herself stiffly to her feet. She gave the last of her tears to the retreating darkness and her words to the wind for it to carry them to him.

"Where are you now? Please come home."


End file.
